Mary Ann's Story

Mary Ann Wasil Nilan is the founder of The Get In Touch Foundation. Here is her story – in words. These are excerpts taken from a speech she gave at the Investmark Ladies Tea on March 21, 2007 at the Westport Women's Club.

Section 1: Timeline
Section 2: My Kids
Section 3: Blah, Blah, Blah
Section 4: I've Never Been More Alive!
Section 5: Hope Lives

Timeline

On February 4th 2004 I found a lump on my left breast.
On February 5th I had a negative mammogram and an ultrasound.
 
One woman, two breasts, eleven lymph nodes, eight chemotherapy treatments, five hospitals, eight surgeries, one stroke, two 10mm amplatzer asd devices in my heart, thirty seven months, one arm, three casts, twenty one physical therapy appointments, six fills, two silicone implants, double nipple reconstruction and $4,000 tattoos  - $591,846.33 (not including prescriptions!)  My life…… priceless!  So what have you all been up to lately?!

I swear to you, not a day goes by where someone doesn’t ask me, “So, you’re done with everything, right?!”  Yeah.  Riiiiiiiiiight!

My Kids

My oldest daughter got her period for the first time the week before and turned 13 the week after.  She should keep some poor psychiatrist busy a few years from now. 

My 12-year-old son has seen and heard more about breasts than some men twice his age.  The poor kid, not only was it awful to acknowledge that his mother had cancer, but I had breast cancer which meant he had to actually say the word “breast”.   A lot. 

My 14-year-old daughter, however, was the most outwardly affected.  She constantly rubbed my hands, my feet, and especially my bald head.  Her little face was an open book – a book on compassion, hope, and confidence that her mom could do anything.

Five days after my mastectomies, my daughter was in her bedroom getting ready for the Father/Daughter Dance at Saint Ann School when I heard her weeping.  I clutched my robe around my bandaged body and hobbled in to see her.  (How’s that for a dramatic sentence!)  She could not get her ponytail straight on her head.  I told her not to cry, we’ll fix it.  She said, “You don’t understand, I won’t be able to make the bun on my head!”  I told her a few more times to stop crying, I would fix it.  She told me a few more times that I didn’t understand.  Finally, I said, “Mary, it’s not the end of the world.  I’ve seen the end of the world….it has nothing to do with hair.”  We laughed.  And then we got the ponytail and the bun all squared away.  To this day, when stuff makes us crazy, one of the kids will inevitably say, it’s not the end of the world…Mom’s seen the end of the world, this isn’t it!

We tried to have fun and for the most part, we succeeded.  They painted my head and my face, we took lots and lots of pictures, they came with me to chemo, my daughter even named my port-a-catheter and now refers to my implants as “the girls”!

Blah, Blah, Blah

If you want the rainbows, you’ve got to put up with the rain.  Look good, feel better.  One day at a time.  Every day is a gift.  God closes a door and opens a window.  Celebrate life.  God never gives you more than you can handle.  Everything happens for a reason.  When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. 

Blah, Blah, Blah!  The bottom line is that cancer sucks.  There is nothing good about it.  From a throat full of canker sores the size of nickels to hemorrhoids that just won’t stop giving.  From not being able to kiss your kids on the lips for four months to chemotherapy induced menopause and hot flashes.  Complete alopecia is exactly that, folks.  Complete.  Everywhere.  Everywhere there’s hair.  No eyebrows and no eyelashes mean itchy eyes.  No hair in your nostrils means a Kleenex is permanently attached to your hand.  Especially in the dairy section at Stop & Shop in the summer when the air conditioning makes it feel like it could snow inside!  Women actually “pay” for this thing called a “Brazilian” – are they crazy!  I felt like I was ten!  The commercial for “neulasta” whispers, “Some side effects may include mild to moderate bone pain.”  Yeah, right.  It’s constipation or diarrhea, you’re either falling asleep at your desk or you have insomnia.  Everything tastes like metal or it doesn’t taste like anything.  The ONLY coffee I could ever taste was Starbucks and the only time I knew I had food in my mouth was when it was burning my tongue.

I've Never Been More Alive!

One day I was leaving the Cancer Center at Saint Raphael’s when a woman came in to see the nurses.  She was so happy and said, “ I just wanted to come in and say hello!  I haven’t been back here in 18 months!  Look, my hair is all grown in.  I wanted to tell you there is life after breast cancer!”

I said, “Excuse me, but I’ve go to tell you.  There’s life right in the middle of breast cancer.  I have never been more alive!  Don’t give permission to all of these women to stop living until they think this is over.  You have to live right through it!”

Live right through it.  Those words and that incident really stay with me.  The most powerful incident that happened to me, however, was one without any words at all.

I was in a restaurant, dining with a friend when I noticed a woman several tables away.  She was in her sixties and had a beautiful, severely short hairstyle.  She was well dressed, bejeweled, stunning face, all made up, beautiful.  I was “topless”; in an LL Bean denim dress and pink Dr. Scholl’s, browless, lashless and probably sleepless.  When she and her husband got up to leave, she left him at their table and walked over to where I was sitting.  She stood over me, looked me in the eye, pursed her lips, pointed at me, pointed at herself, gave me the thumbs-up sign, turned and walked away. Wowwwwwww!!!!!!  My friend rubbed his eyes and said, “It’s like this secret sister support society”!  Pretty cool, huh?!

Hope Lives

At the beginning of this horrific journey that I would come to recognize as “my life”, I found it difficult to be on the receiving end of such an enormous outpouring of love.  After all, I was the one that organized prayer lines and meal trains.  For other people.  I like to help other people.  I fell back into the love that was given to me and trusted in my God.  He showed me a way I could help others with my own situation. 

It has been my privilege to be on the receiving end of such excellent medical care, such overwhelming spiritual nourishment, such an outpouring of love.  I have joined the ranks of Breast Cancer Survivors – women it is a privilege to stand beside.  I guess you can say, believe it or not, that the past 37 months of my life have been a privilege.

I look to the rest of my life as the - “Responsibility”.  What I do with my life, how I love others, how I treat others, how I help others – how I take all that I have been privileged with and now share with a spirit of responsibility – well, it truly is a way of life.   “Privilege and responsibility”.

A lot has been done but plenty remains to be done. 

Hope Lives.

Thank you and may God continue to bless you.

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